The Ayingerbrau Challenge 2003
Pub 1: Ye Olde Swiss Cottage
Its eleven bells on the 6th December 2003 and the Braumeisters and Brauleins assemble at pub one. A full mission briefing and roll call is performed in the beer garden prior to the pub opening including demonstrations of the Cowbell ritual and the Brau Scream.
As the barman tentatively opens the door the steins are at the ready. Only Braumeister Baines is brave enough at this stage to don his tache and many of the Brauleins are not sporting full plaited pigtails (Braulein Hancock - the Queen of pigtails being the obvious exception).
Braulein Wilkin is notable by her absence at this stage due to a hangover deservedly gained from drinking non-Brau products at an Elton John concert the previous night...
Pub 2: Captain Kidd
Twelve tube stops and two Thames crossings away from the Swiss Cottage and the Captain Kidd in Wapping comes into vision. The hangman’s noose above the door does not deter the Brau party as they enter a pub with a great wooden interior and fantastic river views, although admittedly the Christmas decorations look nasty. Another steinful is quickly demolished and were off to Smithfields Market...
Pub 3: Rising Sun
Its early doors, but the Rising Sun brings to an end the need for tube travel on this most momentous of days - its cross country all the way from now - time for emergency rations, 10p for phonecalls and another 22 halves of Brau each. Memories of the Rising Sun include a swift game of darts and a barmaid dressed from tip to toe in fluorescent pink - a nice touch...
Pub 4: Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese
One of London’s truly great hostelries beckons for pub four - Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese on Fleet Street. It is on the walk here that the first festive cries of the Christmas classic “On the first day of Christmas the Landlord gave to me - Half a pint of Brau, Half a pint of Brau… and a Half of Pint of Brau” is heard and no doubt enjoyed by many a puzzled Christmas shopper. Inside the pub, the marvellous set of Brau taches sported on the photograph below are donned in their true glory for the first time...
Pub 5: Citte of Yorke
Another classic London pub sporting a huge baronial hall. Like a ‘Candle in the Wind‘, Braulein Wilkin proves ‘She’s still standing’ after her night of fun with Elton and appears here for the first time. Another Ayingerbrau is swiftly dealt with and its off to pub six...
Pub 6: Princess Louise
The superbly mirrored and horseshoe barred Princess Louise is next on the list. Braulein Brown and Braumeister Hill proudly shopped in full Brau gear on the way - to the bemusement of staff in the Orange store on High Holborn. Another feature of this pub is the elegant gents urinals as demonstrated on the photograph below. Campbell the landlord seemed thrilled to see us and happily shared his Brau knowledge of fellow Samuel Smiths custodians at the Brau temples around London town...
Pub 7: The Crown
Not a favourite on the day for the Brau collective - but notable nonetheless for the ladies tightening up on their pigtails. Now all Brauleins sported fully plaited hair and the Braumeisters loved it...
Pub 8: The Angel
Time lost travelling between the first few pubs was now quickly being reclaimed between these nearby locations. Another Ayingerbrau was devoured by each member and the first signs of drunkenness were beginning to emerge - but after all - this ain’t no party beer we’re drinking ! Braumeisters are all beginning to develop an unexpected and uncomfortable condition of ‘Itchy - Tache’ - the best remedy being to temporarily remove the tache from the upper lip and to stick it on your stein - before freely supping more hair free lager. Inevitably, this leads to joyous singing of “The tache on the stein is all mine all mine” to the tune of Gazza and Lindisfarnes early 90’s chart classic….
Pub 9: The Lyceum Tavern
The route to the Lyceum takes the party through Covent Garden where the Christmas is in full swing and down onto the Strand. A full ceremonial bell ringing is performed by Braumeister Whiteland and the drinking commences. A behavioural pattern is emerging now in all pubs - all the Braumeisters dash straight off to the WC’s to make room for more lager while Braulein Perry takes control of the ordering and pouring of lager into steins at the bar…..
Pub 10: The Chandos
A true Samuel Smiths favourite if ever there was one - The Chandos on the corner of Trafalgar Square - home to much Ayingerbrau consumption over the years. Re-invigorated with Cornish pasties from a food stop en-route and the Brau slips down easily. A moment of silliness and a lack of focus from Braumeister Bonnington as he tries a bit of Brau cross dressing in the pub - a most regrettable incident - after all blue and beige never go well together. Worryingly the evidence on his watch in the photograph shows that while it may be getting dark outside it is still only 3.45pm and there is a long way to go….
Pub 11: The White Horse
A debut for all in this Soho establishment. The barman in the White Horse becomes a true star of the day with his willingness to proudly display a Brau tache (which he kept) and a Brau stein. The general feeling in all pubs is that London is warmly embracing the Brau Challenge - a fact well demonstrated here. Another development is the first public unveiling for 10 years of Braumeister Whitelands Brunton Arms Ayingerbrau T-Shirt - this day of days truly was always his destiny…..
Pub 12: The Duke of Argyll
Just around the corner and the Duke of Argyll provides another necessary eleven halves of Brau with the minimum of fuss and also a television for the full time football scores - nice. It also marks the halfway point in the challenge and to be honest its becoming messy already. Many fear for their health at the though of repeating the events of the previous six hours again. Braumeister Whiteland also suddenly produces a magnificent Alpine Horn (stolen from a local Junior school) for all to blow on…..
Pub 13: The Glasshouse Stores
Memorable for drunken rambles with true Samuel Smiths stalwarts at the bar and maybe also for the first Brau-mantic moments between Braumeister Scott and Braulein Wilkin, naturally over a genteel game of Bar Billiards. Incidentally, a discrepancy was starting to emerge in the completion of each individuals Ayingerbrau score sheet - as while each members health and speech ratings were generally deteriorating at quite a rapid rate, Braumeister Whites was showing quite the reverse as he boasted increasingly excellent scores in both categories. Its not easy to see how though from the photograph below…..
Pub 14: John Snow
Traditionally another classic and regular haunt for Ayingerbrau fans with many visits and memories to enjoy down the years - if only we could have remembered any more details of it this time, there would be more to type here…..
Pub 15: The Red Lion
An enjoyable walk down a Christmassy Carnaby Street ends in the Red Lion on Kingly Street. Another game of Brau darts was played here, although with noticeably less accuracy than in the Rising Sun earlier. See the sheer pleasure on Braumeister Bonnington’s face as he has his tache smoothed by two lovely pigtailed Braulein beauties in Miss Brown and Miss Hancock……
Pub 16: The Cock
Just north of Oxford Street lies The Cock, with its magnificent outdoor lanterns, beautifully engraved glass snob-screens and mahogany interior. On this day it also became the first meeting place for two of the twentieth centuries greatest (authors opinion - ed) movements as the Brau Army met the ‘Join Me’ Karma Army. More details of the latter can be found on www.join-me.org - but naturally their leader Danny Wallace seemed delighted to hear our tales of the good Brau work we were undertaking, not only on Fridays, but basically any day on which we felt thirsty. The excitement was simply too much for Braumeister Whiteland who suffered nosebleed issues in the pub - but every group can always accommodate one weakling so he was allowed to continue despite this embarrassing slip. On top of this we also needed his cowbell…..
Pub 17: The Angel in the Fields
The Angel in the Fields was reached after our longest walk for sometime through St Christopher’s Place and towards Marylebone. This extra distance was proving a strain on the feet and limbs of some and Braulein Baines for one is unlikely to wear posh shoes again for such an adventure. But the spirit remained strong and the steins were joyously filled again. Little can be remembered of the time spent in this pub (and all subsequent ones) although Braulein Perry was stretched to the boundaries of her emotions as she realised she had lost her diligently completed Ayingerbrau score sheet on the long walk…..
Pub 18: The Dover Castle
Hidden away on the cobbled Weymouth Mews, this quiet location seemed somewhat unprepared for the sudden invasion of eleven such enthusiastic and blind drunk revellers with their cowbell and increasingly vocal Brau Scream. However, one of the friendliest barmaids of the day was seen here (and below) and the lager was poured, paid for, drunk and we were off to the Horse and Groom…..
Pub 19: The Horse and Groom
This tremendous establishment, where incidentally the idea of the Brau Challenge 2003 was first discussed and formulated, was next on the agenda and Braulein Perry proudly rang the cowbell to signify our arrival. Unfortunately, bar billiards was out of order, but mindful that time was pressing this was probably a good thing so drinks were downed and off we dashed to pub 20.
Pub 20: The Yorkshire Grey
Landmark pub number twenty, only this drink and four more to go. The Yorkshire Grey was a fine welcoming establishment I’m sure, but only photographs can remind us of our presence here and even some of them are blurry - lovely lager though…..
Pub 21: The Champion
The excellent Champion, fully emblazoned with stained glass windows and once again magnificent snob-screens (although don’t play with them or the barmaid will tell you off). All taches have disappeared by this stage, although who knows where, and the party is looking decidedly peeky…..
Pub 22: The Blue Posts
Barely 50 yards from The Champion lies the Blue Posts. Unfortunately if you turn the wrong way out of the pub door and due to drinking 21 halves of lager it takes you a while to realise, this journey can take close to ten minutes. In frustration, a playful (yet manly) bit of street wrestling takes place between Braumeisters Scott and Bonnington before the pub is reached. In his excitement, and no doubt pumped up by the wrestling, Braumeister Scott forgets about tradition and goes hurtling into the pub shouting ‘Brau, Brau, Brau’ before the cowbell has rung. Sheepishly, he re-emerges out the side door with the rest of the party still waiting patiently outside. What must the Saturday night regulars have thought…? They probably wished they had not found out, the group as a whole then entered with their steins thrusting towards the bar……
Pub 23: The Bricklayers Arms
Only two pubs to go now and Braumeister Scott celebrates with a perfect B-Boy demonstration of how not to do a break dancing caterpillar in the middle of the pub floor (unfortunately not captured on camera). Braulein Perry’s replica efforts also fall a little short of professional standard in that, by and large, she failed to move - although credit where credit is due, it was a good effort at squirming around on a pub floor. A year to this day we are still awaiting honesty from the party member who proudly scrawled BRAU on the darts blackboard, but unfortunately spelt this tricky word incorrectly. In truth I don’t think any of us are absolutely sure it wasn’t us……
Pub 24: the Fitzroy Tavern
With absolutely perfect timing at 10.30pm on Saturday 6th December 2003, the Brau Massive reach their holy grail of the Fitzroy Tavern on Charlotte Street, the final destination on this inaugural Brau Challenge. Half pints are cast aside in favour of a full pint each of magnificent Ayingerbrau. Although admittedly the staff did not seem to share our loud enthusiasm at the end of our quest that was saluted by a cacophony of Brau Screams and Cowbells, our enthusiasm could not be dampened.
The mission had been successful, for years London has not witnessed eleven such brave and committed hero’s now fully entitled to the title BRAUMEISTER or BRAULEIN and able to proudly take their place on the 2003 roll of honour.
Now all they had to do was get home...